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Numb the New Normal?

Every time you turn on the news, it seems to be about another disaster. In the last few months, there have been multiple hurricanes, an earthquake, a mass shooting and wildfires.  All of these events have caused major pain and destruction in people’s lives.  Just listen to the radio or watch the news.  All you hear or see are descriptions and…

Marriage Myth Debunked

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Ah, the Marriage Myth.  The belief that my partner should just know what I’m thinking without me having to tell them.  I hear this from couples way too frequently and it is damaging to the relationship.  Why?  Because it is a marriage myth - it is simply not true!  Not being able to read your spouse’s mind does not mean you do not love them.  It means you are human!

Let me clarify something.  Couples will tell me that they can finish each other's sentences so they think this is mind reading.  This is where the myth comes in.  The reason you can finish each other's sentences is because you have gotten to know your partner very well and understand how they think and act.  This ability comes from spending time talking about what each other likes/dislikes, your fears and hopes, etc.  It comes from time and effort put into the relationship to form a strong friendship.  When couples grow complacent or put their relationship on the back burner, their communication suffers.  So rather than putting forth the effort of rekindling that friendship, they fall into the marriage myth of believing their spouse can read their mind and then become angry or resentful when they fail!  That is setting the relationship up for failure.

This is where direct communication is so important.  (Please see my post https://debbiewoodallcarroll.com/basic-communication/ for communication tips). If we are not clear about what we need or want our partner has to fill in the blanks.  And they will be using their own filter to do so which means chances are they are going to think about their greatest hope or worst fear, not yours.  They will respond based on their own answers, not what you need.  This will lead to anger and frustration and you will react out of those feelings.  This leads to a downward spiral and circular arguments.

Remember debunking the marriage myth is about communicating.  It is about being clear in what you need and want.  It is about understanding and validating what your partner needs and wants.  By taking out the guess work you are able to understand each other clearly.  Once there is understanding, there can be resolution.

 

Basic Communication

  Today I want to talk about basic communication skills.  While these skills can be used in all relationships, they are especially important for couples.  We need to be able to listen and understand our partners with the goal being to learn how to take turns speaking and listening without interrupting. Basic communication, meaning good communication, is an important characteristic…

Choosing the Right Therapist

You’ve decided you want to seek help from a professional counselor.  Congratulations!  Now, you ask yourself, “How do I go about choosing a therapist?”  Clearly there are many professionals out there.  So, it’s important that you first answer a few questions, starting with location.  Some people want to meet at a site close to where they live while others might…

Welcome!

Life can be difficult sometimes.  And sometimes we may need help navigating the waters of life.  That’s OK.  Asking for help takes courage and strength.  What you gain by going through the counseling process may pleasantly surprise you.  Take that chance and dive in…the water is fine! Ready to make a change? Contact Me Follow Me On Facebook